something sweet to start you week ( or end it depending on what time it is where you are)

He does it yet again.

Prepared and not prepared

I received the news today my grandmother has become very weak, not eating, barely moving and only having sips of water. The staff at the home she is in think she really might be going.

My grandmother for those of you who don't know has dementia and over the past few months she has been deriating more into the illness and becoming lost to it.

And for all the times I've almost wished and thought it would be better for her to go, than this painful slow merky deepening confusion, when faced with it actually happening I feel myself and hear myself think "please don't let her die."

Which is more about me not wanting to let go, of the grandmother I remember because all this time no matter how prepared I am and no matter how much I know in my heart that if it does happen it's for the best, there's a part of me that's not ready to say goodbye. it's my selfishness

not wanting my last living grandparent to die.

But whether it's today or tomorrow or in a years time I won't be ready. Death is funny that way.

I remember when my grandfather, her late husband died, he died slowly over a week, and each day I visited him, sitting by his hand, watching breathe hesitantly, at time pausing for long moments without a breath and then resuming.

And I remember it was the same as it is now, I couldn't have been more "ready" I knew what was coming, yet so unready when he breathed his last breathe.

SO I'm sitting here, waiting for the news, and it's an odd feeling.

Waiting to here something you are not ready to here.

PS Sorry about the somber nature of this post.

Terry Twinkletoes

Terry Twinkletoes like turnips, playing Twister and typewriting. He's not one for tweeting though and taxidermy sort of freaks him out

And his favourite letter is T of course.

Happy Tuesday ( or what's left of it)

(Terry Twinkletoes is a custom order for a lovely lady. I hope he likes him)

Redhead

I'm finding my creative space, and the beary crafty part of blogging a bit funny at the moment, as I'm working on a lot of things for the colab with Martin, which Martin and I agreed that it would be best not to show finished pieces before the exhibition as well if we did it sort of takes the surprise out of it, and why would anyone come?

So I've been making a lot of things, but things I can't share, with you , and have some ideas I'm really excited about, that equally I have to keep to myself. Can only post suggestions of what I've made, or progress shots. I find it strange, as I'm so used to, and love sharing my guys with you guys, getting your feedback etc. So I have to keep all this stuff to myself , sort of like holding on when you're busting to go to the loo, but I have to wait til next year.

Luckily today i have something to show, because it's no where near finished, and posting it won't be a problem.

( i hope)

Gemma put the idea to me of using one of Martin's colours rather than one of his characters, for one of my interpretations, challenge myself with using a bright unusual colour, since as you guys know I'm prone to very traditional and earthy(muddy) colours.

Which brings us to the Red head. The third redhead this week I've made, and I'm hoping it 3rd time lucky, but I'm not totally sure.

what have you been up to? It's pretty exciting, my creative space has been renamed and moved to it's own special little page!

that burning feeling

it seems I have a subconscious desire to self harm, or burn myself, but this time it's not my bottom at issue, it's in fact my head.

Yesterday morning in the wee hours, I accidentally light my hair on fire, which caught fire, burned my eyebrow and a bit of my forehead above. Terrifying in the few seconds I was literally on fire, but in hindsight rather embarrassing and just a bit funny ( to me anyway)

But like a real girl, i was actually more worried about how it might look, than how much it hurt. ( and boy does it hurt)

and today I'm paying for it with a lovely scarry blistering thing above my eyebrow, and lots of skin peeling ... lovely.

A is for Accept

just what the doctored ordered

Yesterday i shared a bit of how my mojo has been a bit absent of late. I know this comes and goes, but what upset me more was it was also affected me and my makings, and I was feeling quite uninspired about my bears and wonklings. The fact is I can deal with feeling flat and mojoless but when my craft and ideas fail me, i feel a little lost, as it's often my bear work that helps me through those time. I didn't have any idea what I would make after my current project, and usually I have too many ideas, but always know which way to go.

A great mate had told me about an exhibition Secret Animal Realms by Cat Rabbit at Fed Square which she thought I would love. Which I had some how missed hearing about. I'm a big fan of Cat Rabbit'sand love to try to see whenever she exhibits.

So Yesterday I had a bit of spare time while I was in town and popped into see it.It is utterly amazing, beautiful and wonderful, so inspring so full of so much thought, love and details. Tiny felt books the opened, skirting made of felt. I could go on and on.

I spent ages looking at each one, not really wanting to leave. I'm sorry the pics aren't the best but my camera ran out of juice.

And when I finally did i felt so renewed and inspired and back to have 4 bears in my head already. It's a wonderful thing about seeing great work, and amazing makers, how it can inspire or reinspire one

I cannot tell you how beautiful this exhibition is. If you have time do yourself a favour and go to it. It's only on until May 8, but I promise you won't regret it.

this week

this week i've been working on some of Martin's creatures for our colab.

Sometimes it's funny with making things, sometimes they come easily, sometimes it's more of a struggle and many heads, bodies etc have to be made.

I have never really learned the secret of taking something 2d and making into something 3d, except by trial and error and lots of thinking and studying. This week i've been wishing I knew the secret, as i feel I've been coming up against all the challenges of creating 3d toys. WHich has left me frustrated and feeling hopeless.

Lately I've also felt like I've lost my blogging mojo, the need, desire and the content all failing me. I decided at the very least I had to join Kirsty's regular thursday meme, and hopefully but writing and doing a post, it would get me in the habit and perhaps blogging mojo would return.

My normal non blog mojo seems to be absent too. I wish it would come back soon.

Some week's are like that aren't they?

sorry this isn't a very well put together post or space today.

hope it's been a great week for you

xo