While I hope I am and try to be a thoughtful person as in compassionate sympathetic, thinking of others, I know that i am the other sort. ANd by this other sort I mean full of thoughts.
So much to the point I think I over think alot of the time, driving myself nuts or making myself go through something un-necessarily, get really upset and not be able to sleep. Does that make sense?
I'm probably overthinking in doing this post, over thinking about over thinking. gee I need to stop thinking.
What if that happened? what if this means that. That person did that and that probably means this that and the other. I haven't heard from them for a while now which is probably because......They said that and what if they really meant this. They looked at me sort of funny which means x y z. I better not say that as I might hurt there feelings, or be offensive. Usually something negative about me and if then not something not good. Like a car accident or something. round and round like a merry go round, but it's not merry but does have the capacity to make you feel sick . WHat if I never...? what if ?It's never good , come to think of it, always bad or uncomfortable or unanswerable. And I need a break, I need a break from my head.
Sometimes I'm just OVER thinking.
Am i sounding completely nuts or is this something you do too?
The funny this is, if I heard someone I loved or knew doing this, I would tell them to stop that they were being silly. But yet why at the time does it seem so real?
the weird thing is, I actually think I'm a positive person, I always think the best of people, so why do i think the worst of myself?
Sometimes I wish I could be one of those people who didn't think so much, who could go about their life and never doubt and question. And write a post like this and not worry or over think about what people might think.
18 comments:
Jeez Jess, this could have been written by me! (if i could put it as well as you have)
I think my worrying comes from constant criticism/analyzing from my mother. I was always worried about what she would think about everything. What others would think... I was never good enough, things were never quite right ...etc.
I wish i wouldn't worry what others think, and about how/what i say so much.
Its a difficult thing and makes stress where there shouldn't be any. Countless nights of sleep lost.
Hugs2UJess.XX
Yes, hon, you are overthinking. You need to stop yourself doing it, it is really hard, but like any habit can be changed. Can you notice when youa re doing it and distract yourself.
there are lots of books about it. xx
I know exactly what you mean! As soon as you say "what if" it brings in fear, try & stop it at that point with a positive statement. Most times the bad thing we are worrying about never happens & we have lost so much time worrying.
i am exactly the same jess.
it is a part of having low self esteem and low self worth, for me, which I am guessing could be your reason too? I too am a positive person in regards to other people but I am my own worst enemy. It is so horrible and so draining to be at war with your self and your thoughts!
I hope you can give yourself a break... try to just "be". It takes a lot of work to unravel this net that we get caught in, of perpetual over-thinking, worry, anxiety... but we can do it!!
have you ever practiced mindfulness?
big hugs from me to you and from you to you too! ;)
And...
...breathe.
And then do it again. Slowly.
And again.
Then give yourself a giant break and quit with the stuff that you cannot control and can only second guess at.
Breathe again.
Be kind to yourself, lovely.
yes jess, the 2 am wide awake, can't switch the brain off thinking- I know just what you mean.
It ebbs and flows and I recognise when it becomes more of the negative stuff, so I stop and think about toys - no really ! I do ! I set myself ridiculous tasks, like designing a working pair of plush scissors....and then that takes over instead.
I think tania's advice is best.... breathe
You know you're not alone Sweets... why do we do this to ourselves?
Right at this very moment I am doing the same thing - if I do x then what if this happens? But if I don't do x then what is going to happen? I get knots in my stomach & because I have so many worries in my head, because I am over-thinking everything, I can't think one single thing through properly.
I don't know how to stop it, I wish I did, but I understand. I think of you as a super brave, thoughtful & kind, all three are things I wish I was. I get antsy just thinking about meeting new people for example, but you welcome it, even if later on you get to thinking things you shouldn't.
And you care what people think of you, too much. But at the same time you think about other people. You think about what they need, how they are, how you can help them, and kind, well, you just are. You are the sort of person that so many people should aspire to be, that I myself wish I could be; someone who doesn't judge others & does see the best in people...
...as shitty as it is, maybe the way you carry your insecurities help you to be this person. You worry so much about what other people will think of you & what might happen that you automatically do your best to please everybody. As nice as that is for everyone around you, it isn't very nice for you. I carry mine much differently - I worry that someone won't like me so I don't like them first!
I'm rambling like a nut - what's new? - but I just want you to know, again, that you aren't alone, even if these thoughts aren't productive, you're not the only one who has them. Some blog comments with helpful suggestions are nice, but really, in the grand scheme of our messed up self esteem, are they really going to change anything?
I'm just going to keep telling you how ace you are until you believe it.
Luff ya.
xx
Aaah, you like me, like you, yes?
This is a timely post for me. Just yesterday, I had a day of this rubbish, low self esteem, life is too hard, nobody likes me, my stuff is crap, nobody likes what I make... Need I go on?
I think what we need most, is to surround ourselves with people who appreciate us & who understand us. Because they are the people who will say all of what the lovely ladies above have said. They will tell us we're ace & that we're being the best we can be & do you know what... they mean it, they really do!
Sometimes in this situation it really is best to distract oneself & perhaps go & do something that makes you ridiculously happy, or perhaps do something you're really good at, just to excite yourself by the fact that you just did that, not everybody can do that, you're special! I get this feeling when I bake a cake & it comes out perfect. I clap my hands together will simpleton joy & rejoice in my acheivement. Then I go & share my joy with someone who will appreciate it & get a little pat on the back from them too. Build your morale is what I say!
Now, to take these sage words of advice & to remember them when I need to remember them most.
You might need to throw them back at me every now & then.
You are the loveliest!
Happy weekend!
I over-analyse and am over-sensitive. AWESOME!
So take it from me, give yourself a break. Stop thinking about it. Go see a movie, go immerse yourself in something you love, buy a new CD, something! Distraction is key.
Big love, xxx
Well, I totally get it, Jess. I'm just the same. I read an article today in the Guardian Weekly - do you get that paper? It's an amalgamation of the best stories of the week from the Guardian and the Observer in the UK...
Anyway, there was a story about empathy and how necessary it is:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/2011/mar/27/the-science-of-empathy
I think how we are is related to this. To be thoughtful - of either variety - is to consider others and options... which is empathy. It;s a wonderful thing to have and that article made me feel proud of it :) Hope you are too. Kx
I have those tendencies as well, to over think things and have them rattle around over and over in my brain! But then think of this, everybody does this, and so nobody is really thinking about what you just said and did, they are worrying about what they said or did. ;)
Hi Jess, I think this is another reason why we are friends - it's almost like I could have written this (except I don't know if I could have - you are braver than me, I think xo).
I agree with lots of what all your gorgeous friends above have said - both in terms of how your "thinking-fulness" helps to make you the kind and lovely person you are, and in terms of how to keep it in check. Take care of yourself, Jess xo
Me too!!!!!
Big time.
I do that too!
Don't worry so much about it. Seems like a lot of people are doing it.
Maybe try some meditation, or take a deep breath and a walk or just do something which you totally like doing. Don't you get kinda immersed in it and almost stop thinking altogether?
Oh Jess, come here for a (((hug))). It isn't easy to stop this overthinking but with time it can happen. If I could recommend a book that helped me with this it would be "You can heal your life" by Louise L Hay. Together with meditation, it transformed my thinking forever.
Lee:)
Big hugs, Jess. I can't say it better than the lot of them have.
xo,
w
Just catching up on all my fav blogs from while I was away and had to comment on this one. You are just gorgeous. I imagine that one of the big reasons you are so gorgeous is because of this very thing. You are caring and thoughtful and considerate. These are good things. If you can recognise this trait as it's happening, just go with it, let it run its course and don't worry so much that it might be nuts! You are nuts! We're all nuts! Your thoughtfulness and concern have made you who you are, and you should just embrace it. I hope that this makes sense! I really can't wait to meet you, very soon I hope, because I know that we are going to get along so well. Love ya guts Jess,
xx
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